Under siege

There are countless “worse” things in the world.
I have been through what I deem to be hell on Earth – losing my sister to a car accident, spending 30 days in the ICU under lights that don’t turn off or even down, sleeping on uncomfortable chairs which aren’t meant to be slept on, the entire time wondering, hoping, praying for her to live, to take her home and help her recover, to not have to go on living without her. Watching my mother grieve, and then grieving all over again when I gave birth and realized instantly what pain it could be to lose a child. I know what hell is. This isn’t it, but it isn’t heaven either. Heaven may in fact be a library.
Heaven is where she is now, and even Gracie knows that. She was looking at my favorite New York City picture last night – with me, Julie & Kristi in front of the Twin Towers with our hair blowing all over us in the wind on top of the Empire State Building. Now the Towers and Kristi are gone, but Gracie says, “That you, Mama?” “Yep, that’s me.” “That’s Aunt Julie,” she added. “Who that, Mama?” as she points to Kristi. “That’s your Aunt Kristi.” “Where is she, Mama? Oh, right, she’s in heaven.”
Heaven and Hell. Good versus Evil. Kids understand it. It’s scary for parents to know that kids understand it. I feel like I’m assumed to be evil – probably even called evil or thought evil in the minds of parents of the students I’m with every day. I will pray that there is a peaceful meeting and solution to end the criticism and doubt, to comfort those who need it. Unfortunately, we could have a major battle on our hands here – but it’s not like I haven’t been through worse before. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. You wouldn’t believe how strong I am now.